The story of my art Awakening

I have always loved art and felt deeply fascinated by it, but only recently did I begin referring to myself as an artist. For a long time, I felt like an apprentice, or even lesser, a pretender, and therefore unworthy of such a title.

This shift in how I viewed myself began with our move across the country. The place we moved into was roughly a third of the size of our previous home, so much of what we owned was sold or given away, including nearly all of my art supplies. I never expected to have space to store supplies, let alone create. Still, I discovered that the drive to create runs deep within me. After about a year, I could no longer resist, but space was still limited and restocking supplies felt financially unrealistic.

I asked myself, how do I prefer to create; what feels the most natural and enjoyable? The answer was drawing. Yet I felt an irrational sense of guilt about repurchasing supplies, so much so that I resisted even buying new charcoal pencils. Looking back, it feels ridiculous. But that guilt led me to an unexpected solution. I decided to try painting with charcoal powder instead. I had never used it before, and since it was a completely new purchase, it felt like a justification. That strange mix of guilt and creative problem solving ended up being more important than I realized at the time.

Many of my early practice pieces were wildlife portraits, so I tested this new technique with a stag, inspired by the deer that now surround our home.

Charcoal drawing entitled Warden of the Woods

To my surprise, it worked beautifully and was genuinely fun. Many artists share a fear of charcoal because mistakes can feel permanent. Slowly layering powdered charcoal made it easier to erase, create gradients, and explore texture. Energized by the process, I tried again with a dragon. That piece made me realize the value of charcoal pencils for contrast and strong lines, so I finally allowed myself to buy a pack.

Charcoal drawing entitled Gaze of the Infernal

Next came a raven. It was then that I began to feel a shift in the mood of my work. Something darker and more mysterious was emerging.

Charcoal drawing entitled The Raven's Call

I stayed with the raven for quite some time, creating nothing else, until an image became fixed in my mind. I could not stop seeing it. It felt as though it came from my subconscious, or perhaps as a vision. The image was a dark portrait of a woman, with a raven flying directly toward the viewer, covering her eyes. I was captivated by it, yet lacked confidence in my ability to bring it to life. Up until then, all of my work had relied on reference photos. For this image, I could not find a reference of a bird that matched the angle I imagined. Then I remembered that there truly is an app for everything! I found a head modeling app and a three dimensional animal modeling app, and suddenly there was no reason not to try…

At the time, my workspace was our bathroom. I threaded a string through the spiral binding of my paper pad and hung it on the shower door. The trash can lid became my table. I put on my headphones and stood there for hours, immersed in this entirely new way of creating. Because I was working in the bathroom, my family inevitably saw the piece in progress as they went about their day. By the time I finished, I had accomplished two things. I had learned to share my work before it was complete, and I had allowed my intuition to guide the process. This became the most important piece in my portfolio. It was my Awakening.

Charcoal drawing entitled Awakening

In 2025, I realized that art was no longer just a hobby. I made the decision to claim the title of artist, and more importantly, I came to understand what art truly means to me. Each piece that I create represents a stage in my journey. Creating is how I process emotion, questions, and struggle. Through this process I have realizes that I am not just drawing. I am translating the intangible into something tangible, and through that, I come to understand myself more fully.