Fate

I have pre-written a lot of these blog posts. Before I post them, I review what I wrote and add more context if I've had more thoughts about pieces. I'll put the original write up in quotes, because much has changed since I wrote this a few months ago.

“I have recently hung this drawing on my wall amongst several others and I felt my eyes being drawn to it more so than most of the others. This tells me that there is more to learn from it.

My husband and I often have conversations around the concept of fate, destiny, or one's life calling. We had been specifically working on discovering his life calling during the time of this drawing, but I was also starting to rethink my own calling in life. I had been drawing so much recently and felt as though I had unlocked this new part of myself. I was processing my thoughts and feelings in symbols, so it's no surprise the hands of Fate appeared to me.

I imagined them delicately tangled in the threads of life. Are they untangling or carefully weaving them. Life can be messy, so why wouldn't the threads of our tapestry look messy up close. I think though at the time it was coming from a place of wanting to untangle my own thoughts and feelings about the subject. I was and still am, as I'm writing this, confused about my future. Where once it seemed so clear, now it is not.

I see the light, kind-hearted, helpful and passionate side of myself alongside the cold, selfish, brutally decisive side. Life has hardened me in many ways and as I reflect on this it's as if I untangle one knot only to discover a new mass. It's exhausting and I long for the existence of fate or destiny as it would alleviate so much pressure to figure it out myself.

To be more clear, I would like for fate to take hold of how I am to make a living and survive. I know enough about myself to know what I would want to do if money was no object, but how do I take my natural inclinations, strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes and apply these to a sustainable career? It doesn't seem possible and I wish for fate to lighten the load.”

My all time favorite movie is Ever After: A Cinderella Story. In this fictional “historical” retelling of a classic story, the character Leonardo DaVinci says, “You cannot leave everything to Fate, boy. She's got a lot to do. Sometimes you must give her a hand.” If you haven't seen the movie, I highly recommend it. I love this quote in particular, and it's very relevant to this piece.

A little over a month ago, I decided to give Fate a hand. I opened my own studio! It doesn't immediately solve all of my problems and take away my burdens, but it's a step in the right direction. More people are seeing my art, I am making more sales, and I have a cozy place to disconnect and create. I'm also continuing to slowly untangle myself and learn how to hold and express my complexities without trying to cover portions of myself up. It's been nice to share my full self with the world and not a carefully curated version of myself.